Ought to be burying my head within the slides for test tomorrow...
as the earlier one was unexpectedly horrible x.x
but i cant help not voicing out whats bothering deep deep down.
Each time I felt like a big girl and that I'm settling down already, shit starts building bumps... creating false hopes.
downsides kept surfacing and things never going my way.
Reasons were never valid.
Perhaps its just another one of the sour grapes seasons but I'll think I'm strong enough to continue deceiving myself with that same old optimistic thinking that the rainbows would appear someday but not anytime near yet.
Its because of such shit at times, which makes me wanna squeeze everything up in the overcrowded heart.
They always say love yourself, I don't see why I should.
I've really tried my best, but nothing works. I'm not demanding but I'm utterly sick of striving & getting no fruitful outcome nor even the slightest boost at all :'(
nevertheless, everything may still come across pretty fine on the surface.
and everyday is a hide-and-seek game for me.
i'm lost and i had probably lost too.
